Jesseca Kusher

It’s funny how we tell ourselves that when it’s our turn it’ll be different. It’s some sort of hubris to believe that we can do it better than those who came before us. Or else so feeble hope that we can learn from their mistakes.

On set this week I realized that my lofty goals of having a perfectly formed on set dynamic would never be exactly perfect. Like the river that we were so dependent upon for locations– our energy ebbed and flowed. There were some moments when the tension was as palpable as the roar of a rapid on the horizon of the river. Close enough to bring a sense of danger, but not so close as to be a real hazard yet.

There was a moment on set this week when I looked out the window and it was hailing. A mixture of frozen rain and bullets falling from the sky. Inside the tensions were high. My producer called in sick, my crew desperately needed coffee. One person had an anxiety attack. I could feel my actors start to snap at each other in the same way a teenage girl bites back at her mom in snippy little comments. Even if the weather hadn’t been so shitty I knew at that moment that it was time to call it. We couldn’t hold it all together for a moment longer before it all exploded apart.

I don’t think I can blame it on my producer being sick, but without Devon there was really no one to put pressure on my team to keep going. Dylan tried sporadically to keep us on schedule but as Sunday wore on we realized perhaps our goal of shooting five scenes in various locations was too much. Especially considering the hazard of the river. To be honest maybe it was the rain that brought everyone’s spirits down.

Perhaps I just need to make sure we always have coffee on set. Easy enough? Maybe. Coffee and a producer goes a long way.